


“Just getting high, and playing with Elvis”

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-17
Updated: 2009-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:17:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skwisgaar says something that bothers Toki</p>
            </blockquote>





	“Just getting high, and playing with Elvis”

Pickles was sitting on the couch watching TV when Toki came in and sat beside him. Noticing Toki’s “somebody please ask me what’s bothering me” expression, Pickles muted the TV with a sigh and turned to him. “Okie, what’s the prablem? What’s buggin’ ya?”  
“Skwisgaar. I asks him what he’s doing, and he won’ts even opens the door. He tells me to go aways, that he’s just getting high, and playing with Elvis. Pickle, I thought Elvis was deads.”

Nathan and Murderface just happened to wander in, just in time to catch that.  
“Well, shome people think he’sh shtill alive.”  
“Oh man, my mom loves Elvis! But yeah, he’s like, probably dead.”  
“What if he’s not deads? What if Skwisgaar leaves the band to go plays with him insteads?”  
“That would uh, like, really suck. But I wouldn’t have thought he was a fan. You know, of Elvis.”

Pickles looked thoughtful, “You know, I saw Elvis preform once. He was all fat alreedy, but there was still jest sahmthin’ about him.”  
“Yous seen Elvis? Oh Pickle, yous just like Forrest Gump!”  
“Gawddamnit Toki, DO NAUGHT compare me to Forrest Gump!”  
Toki had fallen off the couch laughing, and even Nathan and Murderface were snickering. Toki, rolling on the floor, just had to add, “Runs, Pickle, Runs!”  
Pickles just rolled his eyes and waited for them to get it out of their systems.

Toki finally pulled himself together and crawled back up on the couch. “Well maybes Skwisgaar saw him play too? You knows, like you dids?”  
“I doubt that, he’s been gone a lang time. Actu’ly I jest realized I got no idea how old Skwisgaar really is. Seriously, how old is he, anybody know?”  
There was a brief silence as they all realized that they didn’t know either.  
Pickles continued, “Well, his mahm’s pretty old, so he could be.... hell, he could be about my age. Whoa.”  
Toki nodded thoughtfully, “I knows, let’s go asks the managers.”

And so off the four of them went, on a quest to discover Skwisgaar’s age. Because it had something to do with Elvis.  
Surprisingly, the office door was locked. They knocked (okay, beat on it) until Ofdensen answered, looking not at all happy with the interruption. “Yes, what is it boys?”  
“How olds is Skwisgaar?”  
“Yeah. We need to like, know how old he is. Because of Elvis.”  
Ofdensen looked at them like they’d all gone crazy. “Is this some kind of joke? You all _know_ how old he is. Now don’t interrupt me with any more stupid questions, I’m extremely busy today.”  
And with that, he closed the door in their faces. 

Well that was no help. They still didn’t know how old Skwisgaar was, or whether or not Elvis was dead.  
What if Elvis was _undead_? What if Skwisgaar was planing to run off with zombie Elvis and get eaten or something? That would be pretty brutal, but it would still suck.  
They decided that had to go talk to Skwisgaar.

They went to Skwisgaar’s room and beat on the door. Instead of being polite and answering it like Ofdensen had, he just yelled for them to go away. Toki looked at Nathan, and nodded. The others, catching on quickly, moved out of the way.  
Nathan and Toki backed up, then ran and slammed into the door together. These doors were designed to take a lot of abuse, but they had their limits and the latch snapped from the impact.  
They entered the room, where Skwisgaar was hunched protectively over a table, his back to them. He was looking over his shoulder, his expression some combination of pissed off and panicked.  
“Heys! Gets the fucks out!”  
They moved closer, of course.

Skwisgaar was too skinny to make a very good shield, so it wasn’t hard to see around him.  
Seeing what was on the table, Pickles snickered, “Oh dude, are ya..... playin’ with dahlls?”  
The others were speechless. Yes, it did indeed appear that Skwisgaar Skwigelf was playing with dolls. Being high might explain that part, but not why he even owned dolls in the first place. Finally Toki spoke, “But Skwisgaar, you tells me you is playing with Elvis.”  
“Ja, what does you thinks dese are? Elfes.”  
“Huh, elves, not Elvis. Oh.”  
Ooohh, those is from Lord of the Ring, right? Can I plays with you? Please?”  
“Noes Toki, you can’ts plays with me. Now gets the fucks out of my room, all of yous.

“So uh, Elvis is really dead? And you’re not like, leaving the band to go play with him?”  
“I’s has no ideas whats you’s talking about Nat’ans. Now gets outs of my room.” He got up, shooing them.  
Relieved that Elvis wasn’t actually there, they all allowed themselves be herded out the door.

Skwisgaar.... playing with dolls.... who would have thought?


End file.
